Loyal Be Jack Read online

  I could sense that she was getting really wound up, and I just didn’t feel up to listening to the woman who had cheated on me, destroying our marriage in the process, rail at me about all of my poor choices. I stood and said, “The doctor must be about finished by now. I’m going to wander back to the study to see Benjamin. Thanks for the coffee.” With that, I turned and headed back through the kitchen. As I passed Lily, she gave me a smile and a subtle approving nod.

  CHAPTER TWO

  As I reached the door to the study, the doctor and nurse were just leaving. I asked if it was okay if I visited Benjamin. The doctor said it would be fine, but I should know that with the pain medication he had just administered, Benjamin would probably begin to doze off to sleep in a short while.

  Knowing what to expect as I entered the study for the second time, I wasn’t as shocked as my first visit. I walked up to Benjamin and asked if he felt up to having some company. He gave a weak chuckle and replied, “Guy comes all the way from Florida at my behest, and I tell him I’m not up to having him here? Not likely. Grab that chair over there and pull it up.”

  I placed the chair that the nurse had been sitting in earlier alongside the bed and sat down. I wanted to open the conversation with small talk but couldn’t think of anything to say. “You’re looking good,” didn’t seem appropriate. After all, the man was dying and he looked like it. “So, how long do you have to live?” seemed a little too direct.

  Benjamin must have sensed my struggle because he said, “Relax, son, I’m dying. I’ve accepted that as fact. You don’t need to tiptoe around me, I’m the same guy you debated with all of those years. Only difference is that my body is shutting down and the dope they’re giving me is slowing down my brain.” He grinned weakly. “Who knows, you might win a debate today.”

  Memories came flooding back. My lively legal discussions with Benjamin had started when Katharine first introduced us, shortly after she and I started dating in law school. During my years in the prosecutor’s office, and later in private practice, I’d looked at him as the sage I could always turn to when I needed a sounding board. Katharine had a great legal mind, but somehow she and I always ended up in a struggle of egos, losing sight of the underlying legal issue we were discussing. It was different with Benjamin, he had a way of debating that stayed totally focused on the issue, without personality or ego ever impacting the discussion. The memories unleashed long stifled emotions, prompting me to blurt out, “Benjamin, I’m sorry we lost touch. I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls when I first went to Florida. My feelings were so raw, I was just trying to shut out everything and everyone associated with my life up here. I should never have treated you that way. It was wrong.”

  Benjamin’s tired face softened as he said, “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Jack. I understand totally. Oh, I didn’t at first, but once I learned what had happened between you and Katharine, I understood what you were doing. In many ways what you did was the kindest thing you could have done for Katharine. You could have stayed here and trashed her reputation. It would have been justified. Her transgressions made it around the rumor mill as things like that always do, but the damage wasn’t nearly as bad as it would have been if you were here fanning the flames. As her father, I came to accept the fact that losing my relationship with you was the price I paid for my daughter’s stupidity. My loss was probably justified, she and I were never that close as she grew up. I was no doubt far too focused on building the firm’s business. I wasn’t really that great a father.”

  I held up my hand in a stop signal. “Whoa there, Benjamin. I refuse to allow you to take any responsibility for Katharine’s cheating on me. She clearly knew right from wrong. She was a grown woman. It was her actions and her consequences. You were collateral damage, and for that I am sorry.”

  One side of Benjamin’s mouth curled as he said, “Speaking of collateral damage. William Callaghan was never reelected to the bench. One of the few times in history that an incumbent circuit court judge was not reelected.” He reached out with an unsteady hand and took a sip of water from the cup on his bedside table. “A couple of powerful law firms lined up against him and backed his opponent. Funny how things like that work out.” There was no doubt in my mind that Benjamin’s firm was one of those he referred to. Benjamin continued, “I can’t tell you how disappointed I was in Katharine. I thought her mother and I had raised her with more self-esteem than to be wooed into bed by a lecherous egomaniac like Callaghan.” He took another sip of water and continued. “I didn’t give too much concern to the stories I’d heard about him in the past. Too busy with my law practice to give the behavior of one circuit judge much thought. That was, until my daughter became one of his conquests. Now I hate myself for not doing something years earlier.”

  I spent the next twenty minutes trying to convince Benjamin that he wasn’t to blame for Katharine’s behavior and the demise of our marriage. Although, I couldn’t help but feel that he was correct about one point. He, or countless others who likely knew about Callaghan, should have taken action long ago. Most of the ills of our society could be cured if people would just stand up and say, “This is wrong.” Benjamin was dying, and I was no poster boy for getting involved in solving the wrongs I see around me, so I wouldn’t allow him to accept the responsibility.

  Finally, Benjamin said, “But let’s talk about something else. Enough of this dark past. Tell me about the hurricane. Must have been exciting.”

  “Terrifying is probably a more appropriate description.” I spent the next few minutes walking him through the highlights of the storm. Retelling the sequence of events only further solidified my opinion that Moe, Justin, and I were lucky to be alive.

  When I finished, Benjamin said, “Wow, Jack. You can’t ever say that somebody up above isn’t looking out for you.” He took another sip of water and then said, “You’re probably wondering why I was so emphatic in getting you up here to see me?” I nodded, and he continued. “As you can see, I’m at that point where a person tends to reflect on their life. That reflection has forced me to face my failures—my shortcomings. The actions, or inactions, for which I am accountable to a higher authority.” A coughing spell interrupted him.

  I asked, “Can I get you anything?”

  A weak smile. “Forgiveness. Can you get me forgiveness?”

  I didn’t know how to respond. Finally, I said, “Oh, I doubt it’s that bad.”

  He shook his head, causing his thinning white hair to flutter side to side. A dark cloud crossed his face, and he said, “For years I’ve told myself that I’m part of the legal system that ensures social stability. The ends justified the means. Now that I’m objectively looking at the tally sheet of my life, that rationale no longer assuages my conscience.” A short cough interrupted him, but he calmed it with another sip of water. “I don’t presume to think I can correct the many wrongs for which I’m responsible.”

  I was totally baffled. What could I possibly have to do with something that weighed this heavily on Benjamin’s conscience? But what is a guy to say to a dying man? I said, “Benjamin, you need to know that I’ll do anything I can, but I do admit that I’m a little confused at this point.”

  “You’re not confused. You don’t have enough information to be confused. What you are is uninformed.”

  That’s the Benjamin I remember. He could debate the choice of one word over another for hours. I nodded in acceptance and said, “Okay, counselor, I’m uninformed.” I held my arms open in a welcoming gesture. “So, enlighten me.”

  Benjamin yawned as he said, “We can start, but to tell you the truth, I won’t be awake much longer. Every time that quack visits me, he dopes me up in the name of making me more comfortable. What good is it to be comfortable if you’re asleep the last days of your life?” He struggled to sit up a little straighter and hit a button on a controller that raised the head of the bed a few degrees.

  “Let me start by telling you what actions I’ve taken to prep
are for you. Throughout my career I’ve kept meticulous personal notes and diaries. Not really certain why, I never looked back at them, but nevertheless I kept generating them.” A weak grin crept across his face as he said, “Maybe I thought that someday I’d be so important that people would be interested in my thoughts at various points in my life. I always had a pretty high opinion of my own importance. Of course, you probably never noticed that about me.” I did my best to give the impression I didn’t know what he was talking about but couldn't totally suppress my smile.

  Benjamin grimaced as he shifted in the bed, obviously attempting to find a comfortable position. He continued, “After I got sick, I directed that all of my personal notes and journals be transferred to my lodge up north. You remember the lodge, don’t you?”

  I nodded. Of course I remembered it. It had been years since Katharine and I were last there, but it wasn’t the kind of place you would soon forget.

  “Good. Well, everything is now up there. I would have sorted through everything and assembled only the documents that you would need, but this whole adventure in dying came on too suddenly. So, you’ll need to ensconce yourself up there and go through the notes. Everything you need will be in them. What I would like for you to do, Jack, is right the single most egregious of my wrongs.”

  Benjamin may have believed that he was informing me, but in reality, he was just further confusing me. I said, “Benjamin, I haven’t practiced law in several years now. I can understand that you would want someone close to you, who you can trust, to be discreet with your notes, but it seems that Katharine would be a better choice. Not that I don’t want to do anything I can for you, it’s just that I question whether I’m the right person?”

  Another deep yawn preceded his answer. His eyes were drifting closed. “Of course I considered Katharine. She’s not the best choice for a couple of reasons. First, she’s too close to some of the parties involved. It would likely be a conflict of interest for her. Secondly,” a sadness crossed his face, “I’m not at all certain that she would exhibit any more integrity than her father did in these matters.” His eyes closed momentarily. I couldn’t tell if he was drifting off to sleep or deep in reflection on his own words. Finally, he refocused on me and said, “Jack, you need to know I’ve put innumerable hours of thought into this, and you are the only person I know that I would trust with unfettered access to my deepest and darkest secrets. The only person I’m confident would have the intestinal fortitude to do what’s right. The only person I trust to right this wrong but protect my reputation in the process. It must be you, Jack.”

  My confusion was now complete. My mind was in utter chaos. What the hell was he talking about? I could see that he was soon going to be asleep. “Benjamin, what are you talking about? What do you want me to correct?”

  This time his eyes didn’t reopen as he spoke. “Tomorrow, Jack. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. We’ll take as much time as we need, and I’ll give you a complete overview of what I’m talking about. You’ll understand then. All I need now is for you to promise me you’ll do it. That you’ll do everything you can to make amends for what I did. I know you can’t undo my actions, but you can make amends. Promise me, just promise.”

  I was totally perplexed. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, but I loved that man, and he was obviously in the throes of a death besieged by physical pain and mental anguish. I couldn’t do anything about the pain, but maybe I could somewhat mitigate the anguish. “Of course I’ll do it, Benjamin. Of course I will. Now, you get some rest. We’ll talk again in the morning.” A subtle nod of his head was the only sign I had that he heard my answer.

  As I left Benjamin asleep in the study, I felt a sense of foreboding wash over me. What the hell had I gotten myself into now?

  CHAPTER THREE

  As I was leaving the study, I encountered Lily. She told me that Katharine had gone to her home in Bloomfield Hills for the night but would return to see her dad in the morning. Lily asked if she could prepare dinner for me, which prompted me to check the time for the first time since I’d landed at Metro. It was 6:30 p.m. I realized that my lunch had consisted of a miniature bag of pretzels on the plane, and consequently I was more than a little bit hungry. I readily accepted her offer and followed Lily into the kitchen. She offered to set a place for me in the dining room, but I opted to eat at the table in the kitchen. The same table Katharine and I had coffee at earlier.

  Lily told me there was no beer in the house, so I accepted the glass of Chardonnay that she offered. I recalled that Benjamin was never a beer drinker, saying that beer seemed to settle around his waist. I had become living proof that his theory had some validity. While Lilly prepared my dinner, I made small talk about her life working for Benjamin. She said that when Katharine’s mother had been alive, there was always a whirlwind of social activity around the house. Almost every evening, the Whitts were either going out to a social function or entertaining there at the house. The last couple of years, though, since his wife’s death, Benjamin had gone out less and less, and seldom entertained. I casually asked if Katharine visited her dad often. Lily hesitated before responding. I sensed that she didn’t feel it was appropriate to talk about the relationship between Katharine and her dad, but she replied, “Before he got sick, a couple of months ago, I can’t recall the last time Katharine was here. I know they had lunch together occasionally, though.”

  She turned toward me and said, “Mr. Nolan, I’m so pleased you came to visit Mr. Whitt. I know it means so much to him. He really missed you when you left.” She immediately put her hand up to her mouth as if she wanted to recapture the words.

  I said, “That’s all right, Lily. Benjamin and I talked about that.” I looked down and drew a circle on the table with my wine glass. “I wish I could have a redo on that chapter of my life, but I can’t.”

  Lily shook her head as she said, “Mr. Nolan, I wasn’t criticizing you. It’s not my place to criticize your actions. I just wanted you to know how wonderful it is that you came to see Mr. Whitt. I know it means so much to him. He’s been asking me every day if that was the day you were coming.” She paused and then added, “He gets a bit confused these days. It’s the medicine. It muddles his mind sometimes. It’s been sad to see him go through this.” Her eyes welled up.

  I stood and walked over to where Lily was standing in front of the stove. Facing her, I said, “Benjamin is lucky to have a friend like you, Lily. I’m sure you’ve done everything you could to make him as comfortable as possible.”

  I was able to convince Lily to join me at the table for dinner. The dinner she had prepared. At first she was hesitant, but I told her that she would be doing me a favor by preventing me from having to eat alone. She mentioned that she often joined Mr. Whitt when he had dinner at home. That he said the same thing. That there was nothing worse than eating alone.

  I lightened our dinner conversation with stories about Cap’s Place and the people in my life there. She told me that I was fortunate to have made so many good friends in Florida. After we’d finished eating, I offered to help Lily with the dishes, but she refused to allow it. Lily told me that Benjamin would likely be asleep until morning, so I decided to take a walk. It was a very pleasant evening, and the trees were beginning to display their fall colors. I realized that I had missed the rite of passage, from one season to another, that is so much more prevalent in Michigan than it is in Florida. Michigan announces, and sometimes shouts, the fact that seasons are changing. In Florida, at least South Florida, the seasonal changes are much more subdued.

  Strolling around Benjamin’s neighborhood provided a glimpse into the settings from which the one-percenters come. Stately multi-million dollar houses sitting back on oversized lots were the norm. The few vehicles I saw were of the foreign sports car variety. That struck me as interesting given that this area of Michigan is the epicenter of the U.S. auto industry. There was a time when I aspired for this very lifestyle. After Katharine and I would visit her parents,
we would return to our apartment and talk about how we were going to have a great home like theirs someday. Funny, my stroll this evening didn’t elicit any of those feelings. I guess I’m content with my life above Cap’s Place. At least I was before the hurricane destroyed it.

  After a couple of wrong turns on the meandering streets of the neighborhood, I found my way back to Benjamin’s. I let myself in with the key Lily had given me and went upstairs to find the “blue room.” I still had a vague recollection of the layout of the house, and I recalled that the blue room was near the end of the upstairs corridor. The door was partially ajar, and a light was on in the room.

  The room, with its ensuite bath, would rival any five-star hotel. My suitcase had been placed on an ornate bench that served as a luggage stand. I opened it and unpacked my toiletries. The day was starting to catch up with me, and suddenly a long hot shower seemed really appealing. After my shower, I pulled on a pair of cotton shorts and a tee shirt. For the first time, I noticed an unopened bottle of single malt scotch and a glass sitting on the small table in the corner. I’m not really a scotch drinker, but I had read somewhere that it would be healthier for me than beer. Well, maybe healthier wasn’t the precise word, but less carbohydrates than beer and thus more consistent with my new pursuit of physical fitness. Seems that unburned carbohydrates turn into fat, and I’m hoping to lose fat, not add any additional. My flawless logic led me to opening the bottle. After the first burning sensation, it went down pretty smoothly. Maybe too smoothly.

  As I sipped the whiskey and recalled my conversation with Benjamin, I began to focus on the view of the circumstances of events surrounding Katharine’s cheating that I had carried with me all of these years. When I was totally honest, I realized that my anger was really focused on myself. I believed that I was to blame for her cheating. If I had been a better husband, she would not have cheated. I was angry, but it was me I was angry at. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I blamed myself for what had happened, but in truth I wasn’t the one responsible. Katharine and the judge were the responsible parties. Oh, I could have handled the aftermath differently. I could have attempted to put our marriage back together. I could have at least tried. Still, the situation would never have arisen if Katharine had made different choices. The future of our marriage would never have been in question—if not for her actions.